Popsicle sticks in flight.

My roommates Cole and Mark were making adhesive-free structures made solely of popsicle sticks that "explode" when pressure is applied in the right area. Thankfully, they support my photography addiction and made some especially for me to photograph as they detonated.

My first camera obscura.

I've always wanted to try making my own camera obscura. In my History & Aesthetics of Photography class, the professor explained how to create one and told us to make our own as a final project. I wanted to practice before I made one to be graded, and this is the result.

Herbz McGurbz.

      For a little less than a year now, I've been pondering adopting a bunny rabbit. I really needed something to snuggle and love and fill this void I have in my heart. I decided early on that I would name him Herbie. I'm not sure why that name struck me, but it did, and it turns out someone close to me also had a pet named Herbie when she was younger. Taking this as a sign, I kept turning over the idea in my head, thinking about whether I would have time to care for another life, and where I would even keep it, since I reside in a different place every year or so. Over the summer, some close family-friends offered me a free bunny cage--which happens to be the most expensive part of buying a bunny--another good sign. I graciously accepted it and brought it to college with me just in case. It's a good thing I did, because after months of deliberation, I went to the pet store yesterday and allowed my heart to be melted by this little fur-ball:

Say hello to little baby Herbie.
He says hi back.
He poops everywhere, but we're working on it.

The learning process.

Krista Carpenetti © 2011

       I had never used Photoshop® before I attended RIT. So needless to say, my brain is constantly overwhelmed with all of the fabulous new ways I can manipulate my precious images. After some one-on-one instructing and a quite a few Internet tutorials, this is what I have done with a picture of my friend Zach that I took last week. It took about six hours, and I'll probably add more to it as I learn about new methods and tools. For now, it shall serve as my newest masterpiece.

Morning.

I shot and edited this video this morning. Don't ask me how I managed it.

Abrupt.

This is what happens when I learn how to use professional video and audio equipment paired with professional editing software. The goal was to create a rhythm, but I got kind of carried away in the end. I recommend watching it twice just to get a feel for the beat.
PS: That's my hand flicking the lighter. I had some trouble.
And yes, that's my maniacal laughter in the end.

I miss you.

That is all.

The face.

      So, I went on my first outing to a club. Never having been a part of that scene, I was glad to find out that my friends and I were headed to a gay club, where heterosexual and "grabby" men would not typically thrive (so I hoped). Well, about twenty minutes into our adventure, after we got the "under 21" X's on our hands and inched our way past the bar and to the dance floor, I encountered an unpleasant surprise. A man about half my height, twice my age and three times my width attempted to dance with me. I thought, "Heck, this is awkward for me, and instead of pushing him away and running, I'll try to make this awkward for both of us. From the moment he pulled me in, I made this face and DID NOT STOP:

I, with my exceeding amount of image manipulation skills, attempted to recreate the lighting and overall visual atmosphere (as well as an accurate viewing angle) for the moment this stranger and I shared.

      As I mercilessly glared at him like this, he stood on tip-toe and yelled in my ear, "You're so beautiful." I slightly faltered at this, and said "Thank you?" with a question-like tone. Apparently he wasn't getting the message. So when he raised my hand and backed up insinuating that I twirl or whatever, I started doing the robot. I didn't even stop when he came closer. I just twitched and glitched and shifted mechanically (still with this face, mind you) and slowly began to slide away. I exited his vicinity and then made a run for it. 

And so goes the recreational life of Krista Carpenetti.

Shake your bon bon.

      Whenever I'm in the studio, I like to do a self-portrait just to document my life. I was listening to a few of my favorite songs, and I guess I got carried away in the moment. The best part was that my professor found these on my camera. 

A Tribute To You.

      I recently learned how to use different types of software to make movies, so I thought I'd give stop motion animation yet another try. This is one of the most emotional pieces I've produced. I feel like explaining it all to you would take away from its suspenseful and distressing theme, so all I will say is that every frame of it was produced with my mom in mind.

Dear mommy, 
I love you, 
I miss you, and
I hope you like this. 
I know you'll understand every bit of it.
This is my tribute to you.
kiss kiss hug hug love love
Love,
Your wee one,
Krista May <3

I am so sorry about the quality. It's actually a very large file, but I guess Blogger compressed it a lot, so even the sound is cruddy... I'm pretty disappointed, but I wanted to share this.

More stop motion!

Forgive the less-than-presentable stick figure and choppy ending. My expertise is behind a camera lens, not with paper and scissors.

Music by 
Mumford and Sons: Little Lion Man

"Smoked" salmon.

      My friend Emma and I wanted to cook all fancy-like, so we whipped up some salmon, mashed potatoes, sauteed vegetables, and salad. In the process, a little too much oil was added to the pan used to cook the salmon, and an adventure ensued. For the first time this year, Emma managed to set off the fire alarm, and consequently the entire building evacuated until security and the fire department appeared. All I can say is that I am very proud of my Emma, and I look forward to our many adventures to come.

Those things are louder than any man-made object I've ever heard.

The crispy culprit.

Emma applying her recently learned lesson and being extra careful.

The finished colorful dish.

I'm hiding.

     

My deepest apologies in advance if this upsets you in any way.

      I can't say I know the difference between a cry for help and just plain public distress. Whichever I am conveying, I wish it would cease. The only thing keeping me from doing something stupid... is the simple fact that it's stupid.

      The Internet can be a boredom buster extraordinaire, but at times it can just cause more trouble than it is worth. I was browsing sites when I came across something sickening: a site where men can collaborate on methods and share stories and ideas about beating and raping women. I don't know how long it has been up, and I don't know how long it will be, but the fact that people with brains and hearts and feelings can organize and utilize such a place on the Internet... shouldn't be true. After I closed my laptop, I simply curled up on the couch alone in my apartment and cried. Eventually my roommates returned one by one, and so I put myself together as best I could. But the thoughts brewed in my overwhelmed mind to the point where I just couldn't take it. I crept to my bedroom and continued to bawl as quietly as I could.

       I am sickened to the point of hopelessness due to the continuous building up of things like this that I see day to day. Sexism (on both sides of the spectrum), desensitization to sex and violence, loss of courtesy, decrease in personal relationships outside computer monitors, and so many other things in today's society make me just wish I wouldn't have to be here anymore. I am well aware that I have amazing potential which is now weaving into success and excitement, but it barely balances out with all of the hate and disgust I have for many aspects of our world. Yes, I said the word "hate". I use that word as sparingly as I can, and the way I feel now absolutely calls for it.

       Each sunset I live to see seems to take a little of my innocence with it. Each moment that my brain teems with thought seems to contort the beauty I used to see and feel when I was younger. I hate this. (I said it again and I meant it.) The things I have to live for are far less than the things that make me wish I was gone, but they have enough momentum in my life to keep me going. My passion for creating compelling images maintains the fire in my heart and mind. God holds me in His hands so I feel safe and belonging. I also have a few people in my life that I love. 

Love is deep, and I wish to drown in it one day. As I sink, I will look up to the surface and see the blurred sun taunting me from high above; but I will not be fazed, for I will drown in love. I will no longer choke on the dry dust above the surface, and instead my lungs will fill with love. It will pour into every part of me, and I will sink and sink to the point where nothing above can reach me.

I will drown in love.

  

Here's to the second year.

I love RIT. I love the people here, I love the random things I find, and I love photographing them.

This young man's voice was beautiful and his expression was so passionate. I wish I could
show this kind of love for what I do on my face.

I have a love-hate relationship with flare (circles of light), and this is an example of times I love it. I'm not sure if this man was just a care-taker for these dogs or if he actually needed them, but the fact that the dogs are the center of interest and the man's face is completely obliterated by flare seems so juxtapositional and significant, and I am very pleased.

Stunning drag queen.

I tried to get the smoke from the grill perpendicular to the jet-line in the sky with the people and sundial for added interest. This photo is proof that I will stop and drop to the pavement anywhere at any time in front of anyone to get a decent shot. This is passion.

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My new (temporary) home.

       My brother Alex and I go to college in Rochester, NY together. This year we got our first apartments (YAY!). However, I can't move into mine across the street in a different complex until Thursday. So, for now, I'll be crashing on his couch. After the four-and-a-half hour drive and the complete move-in plus shopping and laundry, I'm a little sweaty.

Everything is everywhere, but this couch is so comfy. 

"You'll get fined for doing that."

      Alex and I asked our high school physics teacher to go on an adventure with us before we left for Rochester for the new school year. We decided to cross the Nicholson bridge in Nicholson, PA and find the windmills--excuse me: air turbines--in Waymart, PA. It was a rainy day, but it was a good one.

Hello Nicholson bridge.

Atop the bridge.

Every photographer needs to do something stupid and life-threatening for a mediocre shot.
Standing in front of an oncoming train is my contribution to this effort.

A creepy man invited us into his lodge and showed us his moose.
That's my old physics teacher, whom Alex and I endearingly refer to as "Wizard Dustman".

Yeah, we trespassed. We were told it was illegal to go anywhere near the air turbines and we would get fined if we were caught. But, whatever.

I love puppies Part III.

      My friend Kristina and I decided to have an adventure. We went to the local animal shelter and took some dogs for a well-deserved walk. Each had its own special and adorable and entertaining personality, and I tried my best to capture each one with my camera.

I love puppies Part II.

      Here's the finished video for which I was asked to photograph puppies.

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Glory on a bun Part II x 5,000.

The heavens are smiling down upon them.

      So, yeah, remember "Glory on a bun"? This is Magnificence wrapped in Delight surrounded by and topped with Decadence (aka hot dogs cooked in bacon grease, wrapped in cheese, and topped with bacon bits and cradled in bacon strips)... on a bun.

So.
Yeah.

Bam.
   

This isn't okay.

      This is one of those posts that I feel like I should be writing in a notebook and then tucking away forever where no one else's eyes will see it, even mine. I don't want this to seem like a desperate cry for help and attention, because it's not. This is my outlet. I deal with my thoughts  and emotions by putting them out into the hands of friends and strangers because, well, that's how I like to deal with them. I make myself this publicly vulnerable because it's the extreme opposite of bottling it up inside my head and chest.

      Depression is a battle, that's a given. "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger", right? Well, this is killing me.

      Imagine an athlete. He wakes up in the morning for a run six days a week. He eats well, and he pushes himself. He's in the go-getter mindset that helps him stay focused and motivated mentally and physically. Finally, the day comes for him to run a marathon. He feels well prepared for this strenuous activity; he takes every ounce of pain in stride. His feet hurt and bleed, his chest feels tight and heavy, his muscles ache, but he keeps going. He has a goal. He pushes himself to the absolute limit, because he knows it will be so rewarding in the end. At times he wants to give in to the pain and slow down or even stop, but no, he keeps running. He needs to keep running.

      I am in a mental and emotional marathon right now, except I was not prepared for it and I see no finish line on the horizon. I have no goal to look forward to; I have little motivation. This is in no way a rewarding or fulfilling process. I'm getting nothing out of it but more pain and confusion. 

      I feel so much less colorful inside, like all of the vibrance I used to thrive on has just faded like a sidewalk chalk drawing on a rainy day. The worst part is I don't know what to do about it. It's not like being out of shape and then struggling to eat better and become more active -- doing something difficult to achieve something worthwhile. No, what I'm going through right now is just a struggle to stay afloat for no real reason at all other than that I have a beautiful life to live. Now when I say "beautiful", I don't mean flawless or happy. To me, anything that's beautiful has something off about it; it's not perfect, because perfection is boring. My life is beautiful because of the people in it. It's beautiful because of all of the curves it has; up and down and twists and kinks. It has thin brittle parts and wide unfaltering parts. I love it for what it is, especially because it is mine. However it does confuse me, like when my dogs constantly stare up and me and whimper to the point where I exclaim "What?! What do you want from me? Just tell me!"

Just tell me. Make me stronger. Show me a finish line.